On Adulting and the Father . . .

     I had one of those really difficult weeks in sermon preparation.  I really felt called to preaching on what Karen and I call “Adulting” in our household.  As our children grow and we give them more freedom and more responsibility, ever notice how they go hand and hand in Scripture, we always talk that the end goal is adulting.  Like you, we want our children to grow up to be functioning adults and all that entails.

     One of the big lessons about adulting is that adult decisions have adult consequences.  When children are younger, they can make mistakes; and we, their parents, can make up for those mistakes.  Take a candy bar from the checkout aisle at age 6 or 8, and the store usually just makes the parent par for the consumed candy.  Take something at 18, and the legal system is much more likely to get involved, which means it’s much harder or costlier for the parents to help fix.  And in many cases, there’s not much we can do but love our kids and watch them suffer the consequences of their decisions or actions.

     The problem with adulting, I discerned this week, is that all my sermon illustrations would be about my family.  The first rule about homiletics resembles the first rule of fight club: you never talk about them!  You never talk about them.  The fishbowl of clergy kids is already small enough.  Some of you, by virtue of other conversations, learn about some of the things happening in my family.  But I am not unaware of the dangers of preaching about one’s family.  There are, of course, illustrations among you and your families.  Most of those, though, were told in the midst of pastoral counseling or confession or in other ways that I and you that shared consider “under the stole.”  In a week where society around us, as well as some Adventers, are dealing with depression or the effects of suicides after the high profile deaths of Ms. Spade and Mr. Bourdain, that would have been a natural.  But, some of us would rather not acknowledge our depression or family dysfunction, at least to everyone.  Yet, I am convinced that to be truly the family we claim to be in the parish hall, we need to learn to be able to listen and to speak about the deep, dark issues of our lives and the world around us.  Talk about a counter cultural place!  But that is a longer, subtler lesson.

     Back to our question of adulting.  More specifically, back to that problem of sermon illustrations.  I am going to have to depend upon you to fill in the illustrations from your lives.  As we talk this morning about how God parents us, I am hoping you will reflect on how your parents parented or parent you, and I am hoping that you will reflect on how you parent others.  That being said, if you look around, you will notice my horde is completely absent this morning.  The older three came to early church because of work or plans.  Karen and the younger three took Amanda to Hilton Head for Amanda’s job and to visit with Karen’s parents and the beach.  I see the chuckles.  Y’all know me.  What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?

     I had a couple fun conversations this week about Eli.  Two Adventers, in particular, took issue with my assertion that Eli was more “complicated” than “evil.”  One went so far as to argue, at first, that because Eli would not correct his sons, he was clearly an evil failure.  That’s all fine and good, I suppose, were we not to really study Scripture.  As we chatted about what I thought was an oversimplification of Eli being evil and Samuel being good, we got to this passage.  Luckily for me, or maybe by the design of our lectionary editors, this was our next reading.  How does Scripture judge Samuel’s parenting?  You are old and your sons do not follow in your ways.  Ouch!  Sound familiar?  It should.  Apparently, Samuel is as an effective father figure as Eli, when it comes to raising sons who follow the Lord.

     Does Samuel take issue with the elders’ observation or evaluation?  No.  Is the evaluation of the elders what really gets Samuel’s gourd?  Nope.  What does?  Israel’s request for a king!  Seemingly, Samuel accepts their judgment.  He does not defend them, he does not argue.  Heck, he makes no promise that they will be better when he is gone, as some of us are apt to lie to ourselves when it comes to the behavior of ourselves or our children.  Instead, he focuses on their desire for a king as a rejection of God.

     A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, as we were reading Aristotle’s Politics.  That’s the book from which we get our definitions of types of government.  Who rules and for what purpose?  Monarch vs. Tyrant; Aristocracy vs. Oligarchy; Politea vs. Democracy—I see the shock on some faces.  Most of us thought democracies are good forms of government.  Aristotle thought them simply the least worst, but that’s a different discussion.  During our discussions on monarchy and tyranny, I had a professor point out the uniqueness of Israel’s kingship.  I must admit, I’ve never really pursued his claim.  At the time, I took it as a “look how smart we are” claim meant partly in jest and partly serious  In all my years in grad school and then seminary, the thought never really came up.  But as I was preparing for this week, it was one of those seeds that popped back in my mind.  As I reflected, I think that professor was mostly right.  How did kings get chosen throughout the ANE?  I’ll save you the guessing and remind you that throughout the Mediterranean basin, kingship was thought to be handed down from the gods.  Those of us of European stock should not be surprised.  After all, our ancestors championed the so-called “divine right” of kingship or queenship.  As I shared my struggle on this observation, though, with Adventers whose lineage came from places other than Europe, I was reminded that many, many cultures from all other the world justified their rulers by the idea that they had been anointed by the gods.

     Famous in Israel’s history would be the mythology surrounding Egypt’s rulers.  I am not an Egyptologist, so the specific details of my memory may be suspect, but artifacts from the second or third dynasty point to the belief that Horus chose the pharaoh.  At some point, once Ra became the creator god in the land, the authority of Pharaoh was derived or appointed by him.  To the east, the same happened in Babylon.  The god Marduk appointed the rulers of Babylon.  Think of your own knowledge of the Greek myths.  The rise and fall of individuals was attributed to favor or disfavor among the gods and goddesses on Olympus.  Many city states had their own patron deity, so the rise of their rulers was attributed to their specific patron.

     Israel is unique in that area because it is the people who want a king.  They look around and see that they are different.  Like every teenager that has ever lived, they want to be like everyone else.  They want to fit in.  What do they do?  They go to Samuel and ask him to give them a king.

     Before we talk of adulting, though, think of the request!  They have been freed from slavery under a king.  If any people should understand the consequences of kingship, it is Israel.  But how quickly do they forget.  And, although Samuel is upset at their request, God reminds him that it is God who is being rejected.  Israel’s king really is God.  It is God who provides their needs.  It is God who freed them.  It is God who fed and watered them.  It is God who planted them in the Land promised to their ancestors.  It is God who protects them or allows them to be chastened in warfare.  So many nations on the earth crave a theocracy.  Israel has it!  The right one.  The perfect one.  And they reject it.

     When I was younger, my grandmother used to warn me about prayers.  I remember when Garth Brook’s Unanswered Prayers was climbing the charts, she would chuckle and remind us that some of the scariest prayers are when God gives us what we think we want.  Usually, she said, there was a lesson about to be imparted, that we had no idea what was really good for us.  Israel bears that wisdom out in spades.

     What will they get from a king?  They will become enslaved again.  The king will take the best lands for grazing or growing crops or growing vines.  The king will take sons to fight in his armies.  The king will take daughters to work in his palaces and fields.  The king will take portions of their livestock and harvests to feed his aristocrats and commanders—you and I would call these taxes.  In all ways, according to God speaking through Samuel, they will become enslaved again.  Worse, when the realize it and cry out to God for help or freedom, He will ignore their plea for help. 

     How many times have we been told by our parents, You can do this or that, but I will not help you.  How many times have we told our own kids words to that affect?  If ever there was a more ominous warning, I cannot recall it.  Yet how little do we listen to our parents or do our children listen to us?  Should we be surprised when God’s children ignore Him?

     One illustration that popped into my head this week as I was struggling with that part of the sermon was Robbie’s fascination with outlets—most of you all know this and he heard it at the early service, so it is not a secret I am divulging, though Robbie did joke about me claiming his fascination was in the past, rather than present, tense.  Robbie was the child who was fascinated by outlets.  I cannot recall how many times he first heard a jolting “no!” when he tried to stick a finger in one.  Eventually, we moved to slapping his hands away.  Given his stubbornness, we probably tried other deterrents, but in the end, it became clear that the dangers of outlets were like driving a stick shift—they needed to be learned experientially.

     Perhaps some of you have had a child like this.  The hope was that the shock would cause his to lose his fascination.  Predictably, the first time he stuck his finger in, he ran to mom for safety and hugs and kisses.  It shocked him.  Robbie being Robbie, though, he decided to experiment more with them.  Legos and Lincoln logs did nothing, other toys allowed him to be shocked.  It was only when he tried a coin that we realized we were not getting through to him.  For whatever reason, he did not let the pain deter him.  Had we not been watching when he put the coin in, he may have burned down the house or severely injured himself—the scorch marks on the hallway outlet are still evident today.

     You all are laughing, and I am glad that Robbie was, too.  But such situations point out the wholly and holy otherness of God on a day when we celebrate Fathers intentionally.  What consequence do you think would have deterred Robbie?  This is not rhetorical, what would you have done?  Yes, we tried slapping.  No, we did not go to full on spanking.  No we did not try a belt.  Yes, we tried grounding.  Yes, we tried taking away the dangerous toys.  Which, do you all think now, would have deterred Robbie?  You all have known him for three years, and you see the difficulty.  Hard to know, isn’t it?  The threats of spanking and belts sound good, but the zap of a shock did little to quell his disobedience.  As he joked a bit self-deprecatingly this morning, probably nothing.  Our parental wisdom, and the consequences of the world, were unable to change his determination, at least as of 8:30am today.  lol

     Keep in mind, too, Karen and I are “good” parents and Robbie is a “good” kid by modern standards.  Karen and I are not abusive, we try to teach our children that they are loved deeply by God, and that they will live in a world that has consequences for actions and choices—so they better make the right ones.  Robbie is curious about things.  Sometimes, like you or your kids, though, being told is not enough.  Sometimes, he wants to find out the why or the how.  Sometimes, he feels a need to re-invent the wheel.  How much more difficult is this maturation in households with abusive parents or willful children?

     Look again at our story from Samuel this morning.  God acted lovingly toward His son Israel.  He freed Israel from an oppressive and threatening king.  Their Father in heaven provided them with everything they needed—food, water, meet, security, protection, to name a few.  Did Israel accept their privileged place?  Did they embrace the role their loving Father had in mind for them?  Did they trust He wanted what was best for them?  No.  Like a petulant teenager they complained they were different.  They cried out that the wanted to be like everyone else.  And so they gave up their unique status in the world.

     Before God limited Himself in their life, before He chose to take a visible step back in their day to day life, God told them the consequences.  They wanted to be like everyone else, and that’s exactly what they would get.  They would lose their freedom and be enslaved.  Everything He told them would happen through the mouth of Samuel came to pass.  Read Chronicles or Kings.  Beginning with Solomon, and with only a couple exceptions, each king of Israel did more abominations than his predecessor.  Having been given God’s wisdom and knowledge of His love, each king chose his own way rather than obey God.  And God’s people suffered for it.

     True to His word, God did not answer their pleas.  When they cried out in pain and despair, God refused to answer their cries in the way they wanted and thought they needed.  When enemies were about to overrun them, God refused to rescue them.  God allowed His children to experience the folly of their choice.

     Unlike us modern fathers (and even mothers) who cannot figure how to reach the children in our lives, though, God knew what He was doing.  More amazingly, because of that wholly and holy otherness, He could still accomplish His will.  Though Israel’s selection of a king was a rejection of Him and His rule, He never stopped loving His children.  Though He had every reason to reject them because of their rejection and the hurt they caused Him, still He was faithful.  And, yet again, He used Israel’s evil choice for good!  Ultimately, that kingship which should have offended Him was the lineage that provided for the birth of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord!  That failed, corrupt, and sinful kingship led eventually to the King!  The Holy, Righteous, Obedient King!  Perhaps, on this day we should be a bit less surprised that God’s King, His Son, was ultimately rejected by us.  Every time we chase money or power or reputation or whatever else in our lives rather than pursue Him, we are no different than our predecessors.  We are rejecting Him.  Thankfully and mercifully, He is still the same, wooing us, caring for us, redeeming us, and even using what we meant for evil for good!

     So, on this day when we remember the father’s in our lives, those who were biological and those who were by the countless ways described in the collect, and even those whom we see no longer, let us not forget that they, like we, were mere types and shadows, arrows, if you will, whose primary job was to point us and others to the Father, who makes no mistakes, who always has an abundance, and who loves us more than anyone else in the world!  Better still, such is His power that He can take our mistakes and our evil choices and use them for our good and the good of those around us!  It is that Father who is at work in each of us, lovingly transforming us into the princes and princesses in His kingdom, capable of representing Him to a world who has forgotten Him!

Peace,

Brian†